homesick, never been

I'm looking at holy ground. A lion guards the steps. She dozes, but I can tell from the twitch of her nose that on some level, she's aware of me. Between her massive paws, a child sleeps. A year ago, I was making plans to kill myself. Some smart people convinced me to try chemistry instead, which has changed the way I think, the way I feel.

"And then he was dead."

"Afterwards, he died."

I used to hear those words, those exact words, every time I completed a thought. Of course, "he" was me. Far from frightening, they were almost a relief, a welcome ending. Being depressed is like that, at least for me. For a while, being medicated was the exact opposite of that. Things change.

I don't miss wanting to be dead, nor the monotony of suicidal ideation. I traded something, in the titration of SNRI which culminated in 30mg / day of duloxetine. I had a writer's block so enormous, I wrote a story about it.

Never mind, I've been getting the itch to write another post -- this time featuring a pure Detroit mix. Which is what we have here, though minus the travelogue of artists and relationships.

At first I thought I was evenly split between anger and sadness, but I was wrong. I'm sad. Just sad.

The lion stirs in her sleep, and the child nestles deeper into its furry cradle. I turn away from the base of the steps, and wheel away.

TRACK 01 "Meaning to Write," Brendan Benson INDEX: 00:00:00

TRACK 02 "Mourning Dove," Restroom Poets INDEX: 03:32:60

TRACK 03 "Send Me a Dragonfly," His Name Is Alive INDEX: 07:25:60

TRACK 04 "Everlasting Short Lived," Bent Lucy INDEX: 21:42:15

TRACK 05 "All That Dies," The Monsterous Vibe INDEX: 24:26:18

TRACK 06 "Sad Golf Horn," The 19.5 Collective INDEX: 29:23:27

TRACK 07 "More Life (More Strings)," Skinhorse INDEX: 32:31:46

TRACK 08 "Heavens Downward," Au Revoir Borealis INDEX: 37:09:45