Distant Early Warning

Last week the doctor asked me if I wanted to know how I was going to die. Of course I said yes. Multiple sclerosis has granted me a kind of terrible precognition. Shortly after my diagnosis, I realised that however I feel in the morning (the worst part of the day for me), that's how I'm going to feel all the time six to eight months down the road. I might compare my days to driving across an endless desert, towards mountains which I can see clearly, but which never get any closer. Impersonal road signs mark the way; landmarks approach and then quickly recede as I roll on. The road gets rougher, and the motor struggles with the harsh terrain. The needle on the fuel gauge has been hovering over E for as long as I can remember now, and warning lights decorate the dashboard beneath a patina of dust.

Thirty years. The doctor said I could last thirty years before finally succumbing. Three times what's behind me, and I'm already on empty. This is not a warning, or a cry for help. I've made promises I intend to keep. But there's no fucking way I can make it through three more decades. I know with a crushing certainty what I could lose in a single year, but my imagination boggles, literally boggles, when contemplating the cruel odyssey laid out before me. For once, the map is the territory; seeing it is traversing it is living it.

TRACK 01 "Lord Lord Help Me Just to Rock Rock On," Mike Doughty INDEX: 00:00:00
TRACK 02 "Come With Me," The Hundred In The Hands INDEX: 02:52:56
TRACK 03 "Apathy," Mikal Cronin INDEX: 05:57:37
TRACK 04 "The Depths," Frankie Rose INDEX: 08:33:12
TRACK 05 "Nerve Damage!," Unknown Mortal Orchestra INDEX: 11:52:55
TRACK 06 "Midday Heat," Karminsky Experience Inc. INDEX: 14:05:04
TRACK 07 "No Reason," Treat Her Right INDEX: 17:48:08
TRACK 08 "Pimlico," Telemetry Orchestra INDEX: 22:10:36
TRACK 09 "Follow Me Down (featuring Sleepy Sun)," UNKLE INDEX: 27:18:00
TRACK 10 "Heroin," The Velvet Underground INDEX: 31:37:37
TRACK 11 "Inside Looking Out," Kurt Vile INDEX: 38:43:46
TRACK 12 "I Bleed," Pixies INDEX: 45:06:55
TRACK 13 "Two-Headed Boy," Neutral Milk Hotel INDEX: 47:36:64